Maximum Carnage, Year 2 Issue 21 - "Blood Red, part 2" by Justin Anderson It was their fourth day here. The vigilante hero team Maximum Carnage was, effectively, "no more". Stranded three million years in the future, on board a mining ship that, in their time, didn't exist yet, the ehroics were over. it was a new life, and they were adjusting. They had no choice. If Holly couldn't find the vortex to take them back soon, they may as well give up ever going back to Earth, year 2002. Lister, Cat, and Jack all sat in Lister's quarters. Lister in his familiar stained attire, Jack and Cat in matching black pants, brown boots, and red vests. They were watching an old London Jets Zero-Gee game. "So this is how sports evolve" "Yeah. Great stuff. Jim Bexley Speed really makes this game great, too. Met him once, you know!" "Really, Lister? Good for you" Cat leaned over into Jack's ear. "Don't push him. It's boring!" They settled back into the game. They waited to see if Bexley Speed would score. Before the goal, however, Rimmer walked in. "Mirror, please!" The game disappeared from the monitor as it coverted into a normal mirror. "RIMMER! Ya smeghead!" "Sorry, Lister, but I need this mirror as much as you three do!" Jack stood, his face right in Rimmer's, eyes narrow. "Fuck off, Rimmer. Before I rip the holosuite apart with my TEETH!" Rimmer looked shocked. "Fine! You pathetic goits go on and have your fun! See if I give a smeg!" The hologram stormed from the room, half angry, mostly afraid. Lister was impressed. "All right! That's tellin' the smeghead! HEY! Haven't heard that word in some time!" Jack looked over. "Which one? 'Fuck'?" "Yeah! That's the one. Almost never used anymore" "I've noticed that. You guys use the word 'smeg' quite a bit" Cat pointed at both of them. "What are you talking about? Oh, hell, I don't even care! Let's watch the game" The three settled back in. Rimmer walked down the hall. Cletus was coming in the other direction. He stopped and looked at Rimmer. "Rimmer, listen, I've been trying to access historical records, but your computer says I can't because I'm not a crew member" "Oh, well. Holly! Give Cletus access to whatever he demands from historical records" Holly's face appeared on the nearest screen. "I can't do that. You must be an officer to access these files" "Listen to me you stupid git of a-" Rimmer began to panic as his voice cut out. He was yelling, but nothing could be heard. "Sorry about that. Malfunction in the hologram projection suite. It will have to be repaired manually. I'll get Dave" Rimmer was yelling something, but Cletus couldn't tell what it was. "Well, Rimmer, I'll see you around" 4:08 PM, Hologram Prohjection Suite Dave wheeled in a cart with a few tools. Cat watched, Rimmer standing impatiently waiting for another ship's malfunction to be repaired. He was saying something, but still, no one could hear him. As Dave was about to open a panel, however, the problem was fixed. "-and I swear, you smegging goits......" Rimmer looked around. "I get the feeling this was a smegging setup!" Holly looked at the three. "Yes. I have records on their history in my data banks. That is, history to us, but the future to them. It proves they get back. And I don't want them finding out their own future as a result of this side trip. I can't say what exactly I have on them, but all I can say is, it's big" Lister set his tools down. "How big, Hol?" "Let's just say, 'world-wide' big!" Rimmer was growing impatient, again. "Holly, just HOW and WHY do you have files on them? Were they crew at some point?" "Listen, I can't reveal that either. But in all fairness, I will fill you in on it when they are gone. Until then, you know, and I know, nothing." 6:02 PM, three days later Cletus and Rimmer sat at the table in Rimmer's quarters. Rimmer had been listening to the story. "And then....the symbiote left my body, forming itself into a humanoid shape without a host. Jack shot it, knocking it out the window. We followed it to the mental hospital where Doc Kafka worked. It tried to kill her, but we got there before it could. This was the time we found out who Spider-Man was" "Peter Parker?" "....yeah....how...?" "Oh, who doesn't know? Remember, I'm from further along than you. In my time, everyone knows who these heroes were. How else could they get the movies accurate? Besides no one cares much anymore. Days of super heroes are long gone. Well, except Lister's ugly Spider-Man costume.....I hate that smegging thing...." Cletus took a sip of his water. "....anyway, we took out Jacobs, who had survived and mutated. Well, the symbiote showed up again, stealing an ancient sword. It took that from the UK. We hit it when it got back to New York, but no luck. It got the pendant and book, and sucked us into Sub-Nizzuran. We made our way through that and managed to take him out. That's when he was locked up in Washington" "Interesting.... you actually managed to redeem yourself, turn your life around, and defeat the former evil portion of yourself, thanks to some git's plan to take over the world going wrong. Well, certainly more exciting than my life....all I have to my credit is becoming second technician. I've only made love once....my life is a joke..." "Once?.....never!" "Never!?" "I prefer to stick to myself. And no, neither I or Jack are..... Jack has his own reasons, I have mine, for avoiding women. Saving the world is a heavy responsibility, the last thing either of us need is an extra worry on top of six billion lives" "Six billion? Wow.....you really are from a past era....." The conversation was halted when Lister, Cat, and Jack entered the room. As usual, Jack and Cat wore the same fashionable suits. Cletus noticed the bottle in Jack's hand. "Jack....what is that?" "What's what?....oh, this. Shrimp sauce. Want a drink?" "Err....no thanks..." 5:23 AM, two weeks later Cletus stirred in his bunk. He couldn't sleep. Something was up. The crew knew something, but weren't talking. Not just the fact Holly denied him access to historical records, but Dave and Arnold too. They acted strange whenever he brought up the subject of the past. Future to him, though. Maybe that was it. He was interrupted by a face appearing on the screen as the lights came on. "Get up a second! Meet me in Lister's quarters. I have some important news!" 5:29 AM Cletus stood in the room, wearing a white undershirt and his jeans, the same clothes he had been wearing for three weeks. Aside from when he bathed. Rimmer stood in full uniform, Lister sat on the top bunk, wearing his usual stained attire. They watched as Cat and Jack marched in, wearing matching yellow coats and black pants. They were followed by the two Scutters, the small blue robotic helper robots. Rimmer looked at Holly. "Okay, Holly, this had better be good!" "It is! I found the matching vortex! It's on a nearby planet. We will be in range within two hours! Jack, Cletus, you'd better get your things together" Jack stepped back. "Whoa! Hold it! Who said we want to go back?" "Jack....we don't belong...." "Cletus, you ca go back if you want. You can play government cleanup boy the rest of your life if it makes you happy. But here, we don't have to do anything! My life has personal fulfillment here! I odn't have to answer to anyone, worry about getting by, take Triaz-" Cletus looked at his partner. "Take what?" "...take... abuse from anyone. Face it, if we go back, we're stuck doing other's dirty work. Here, we are our own masters!" ".....maybe you're right, Jack. Earth seemed to do just fine without us. Humanity survived. And here.......Carnage doesn't matter" Lister was smiling at the prospect of more people to talk to, and who hated Rimmer. But the celebration wasn't going to continue. Not with what was about to come out in the open. And it was Holly's job to break the news. "Hold on! Something just entered my sensor range on the ship!" Lister's smile disappeared as he turned to the computer. "What, Hol?" "Just a second......human, it seems. Came out of the cargo hold. Wait- I'll see if I can bring it up on camera...." The screen switched to a black and white view of one of Red Dwarf's many hallways. Pipes lined the walls. A man could be seen sneaking along the wall. Rimmer didn't like this. "Holly, freeze and enlarge" The computer complied with the hologram. The image was fuzzy, but visible. Jack only needed to see it a second to recognize the face. "Joseph Voorhees......he did come through" "Who is Joseph Voorhees?" Jack turned to Rimmer. "Joseph Voorhees is a sick, idiotic sub-human who enjoys killing babies. And he sells them in the black market too to copy his dead brother who we also shut down. We were hunting the sick freak when we wandered into that vortex" Jack turned to Cletus. "Come on. Three million years in the future or not, he dies. I will not have him running around on this ship!" Lister jumped down from his bunk. "Wait, you're gonna kill him?" "Yes, Lister. Cletus, get your guns ready. And put a fucking shirt on! Damn... trying to make me sick?" 6:02 AM They walked along the halls. Jack in front, shotgun in hand, slung downward. Cletus followed up the rear. Lister, Rimmer, and Cat in the middle, acting as guides. Rimmer made sure Jack was far enough ahead before he said anything. "Lister....is it just me.....or did Jack immediately forget what Cat taught him when he saw that man's face?" "What do ya mean?" "I mean, Lister, he hates this man enough to hunt him down as if it must be done! Do you really want him on board? What if he grows to hate one of us that way?" "Come on, Rimmer. He said the smeghead killed children! I don't think we have ta worry! Besides, you have no problem with Cletus bein' a former killer!" "That's because he acts sane. He was also influenced. Jack has no such excuse!" "Like you're worried? You're a hologram! He can't hurt you!" "Funny, you don't seem to care one smegging bit! And he can hurt you!" "Yeah, well......a man who kills babies won't hesitate to kill a grown man!" They stopped arguing as Jack came to a halt. "I heard something... Cletus, take Rimmer and Lister....go down that corridor" He pointed down a branching corridor to the left, lined with boxes. "Cat, come with me...." Jack and Cat continued forward. Rimmer and Lister followed behind Cletus. "Lister....Rimmer.....keep an eye out..." Rimmer moved slowly, scared for his life, despite the fact he was in no danger. Lister clutched the pipe in his hands, ready to swing at anything. He walked past a stack of crates as the face on his watch looked up. "Dave! LOOK OUT!" Holly's warning came too late. A man jumped out from behind the stack. They hadn't paid attection to the fact there was a space between the boxes in the final row. If they had, Lister probably wouldn't have been held against his will, a knife to his throat. Cletus and Rimmer turned as they heard the pipe hit the floor. "Okay.....you've got 2 minutes to get me out of here.....or this worm gets a new air hole!" Jack turned as he heard the noise. A metal 'clang', followed by words. "Cat! Other way! Stay close and be dead quiet!" They moved along slowly, Jack's pistol raised and pointed forward. Both his hands gripped the handle tightly. Sweat poured down his face and hit the synthetic coat. Cletus held his pistol forward, not taking his aim away from Joseph Voorhees. "Okay, Voorhees.....you know you're not getting out of here" "Really? Well.....either I do, or nigger here ends up colorin' my blade!" "You're a sick man, Voorhees....just like your piece of garbage brother! And you'll end up in the same place! I hope Satan has a special place reserved for you!" Rimmer stepped forward. "Umm.... take me as a hostage instead. I outrank him" Cletus almost blew his top, then remembered Rimmer was a hologram. "....okay....but come over here first...." Rimmer stepped right up to the two. Joseph lifted his right leg and reached out to touch Rimmer. His foot passed through. "You take me for an idiot! EVERYONE DOES! I AM NOT STUPID! You don't think I didn't hear! Holograms! Secret government crap! In a cave! That's it! He's a dead man! Then you two next! Then when I get out, I'm telling everyone what I saw! Yeah....I'll be a hero!" Rimmer knew he had screwed up. Big time. And he knew his one minor act of bravery was going to cost Lister his life. He wished he had stayed a coward this time. Jack peered around the corner. He saw Joseph's back, with bits of Lister visible. He turned to Cat. He spoke very softly. "be very quiet. I have to hit him so he won't pull that knife back...." Jack moved the sights around, looking for a target. He could hit numerous places, but most would probably cause the man to pull the knife back. Finally, he found one spot which looked viable. He chanced it. Aiming directly, he fired. Joseph screamed out as he dropped the knife. The bullet had torn through his right ankle. Lister bolted forward. Cletus fired his own pistol when he had a clear shot. The bullet took Joseph in the left shoulder, knocking him to the floor. Cletus edged closer as Jack came running up. Jack dropped his own pistol and drew his shotgun. He moved to the man on the floor. Pumping the slide, he placed the barrel under the man's chin. He looked up. "Same...as my brother, huh....?" Jack didn't say a word. He simply squeezed the trigger. The hall echoed with the blast. Cat moved in for a better look at the man. "Yeah, I can see why he's so mean.....I mean, wing tips with jeans and a brown shirt! He has to be crazy to wear that!" Jack turned to Cletus. "Get your stuff...." 7:59 AM Jack and Cletus were ready to climb into the Blue Midget to head to the planet. It was a long shot this vortex would work, but they had to do it. They just wondered how the General had got along without them for three weeks. Assuming this vortex didn't leave them several centuries forward or backward. Or stick them in an alternate universe. But it was Jack's idea. He couldn't stand the fact scum like the Voorhees family existed. And letting them do what they did was not on his agenda. And Cletus had no arguments. Cat was looking Jack over. "Take care, my man! And remember, when you step out on the dance floor, remember what I taught you!" "I will. And I'll let everyone know my moves are courtesy of the Cat!" Lister and Rimmer climbed the access ladder. Cletus followed close behind. Jack was about to follow, when Holly interrupted them. He had just rolled in on his remote screen with the Scutters behind him. "Jack, listen, I found this, and I thought you might like to have it" Bob the Scutter rolled up with a jacket in it's mandibles. Jack took it. He looked it over. A dark blue jacket with the ship's logo on the front, and the words "RED DWARF" stitched on the back in red letters. "Thank's Holly" "You're welcome. Now, you'd better get going. You don't want to miss your ticket home" Jack and Cat entered the craft. the doors closed, and the cargo doors opened. 3:58 PM. Mammoth Caves, Kentucky The two agents watched the cave opening. It had been quite some time since the two men entered the cave, and they hadn't come out yet. "Okay, we'd better go in there. Be careful. And watch for any signs of where they may have fallen off an edge" They two men reached the opening, their pistols drawn. Before they took a step forward, however, two men could be seen in the cave, dragging something. The agents watched. It was Maximum Carnage. They were dragging the body of Joseph Voorhees behind them. "Man....Jack, I am so glad to see sunlight again...." "Hey, you two! How long were we in there?" One of the agents looked at his watch. "Roughly fifteen minutes" Jack turned to Cletus. Both men chuckled. "What is it?" Jack turned to the agent. "Nothing.....seems we were in there longer, is all....what?" Jack noticed the two staring at his new jacket, worn under his coat. "I didn't notice that jacket earlier...." "Well, I was wearing it. Pay better attention!" "Yes, sir...." They dropped the corpse and walked off. One of the agent sapproaced the two. "Jack, don't you think..." Jack spun and faced the agent right in his dark glasses. "Listen....I have just wandered through a dark cave hunting a man who kills children. I almost fell several times into a large hole. I am tired.....SO SMEG OFF!" Meanwhile, on Red Dwarf.... The three sat in Lister's quarters. Holly was showing them visual records of the future of Maximum Carnage. Mostly big news stories, some of which Rimmer had heard of before. They were rather important historical figures, but for the two that had visited, it was the future. Rimmer looked over the final news clipping. "....and then there's a book, which you can read later. "My Life as an Alien Killer and a Renegade Hero" by Cletus Kasady, written in 2029. Made the New York best seller list. Good book. better than some author's I've read" "Okay, Holly. That explains most of it. But what about the jacket?" Lister looked down from his bunk. "Yeah, Hol. What about the time line, or whatever you call it?" "Oh, that. I will refer you to this image from a news clipping-" Holly brought up a news clipping from 2008. Jack could be seen wearing the jacket Holly had given him. Rimmer saw things coming together. "Interesting.....but Holly, how and why do you have this on record? Were either of them crew at some point?" "No, they weren't. I'll refer you to this-" Holly changed the screen to a video recording. It was Jack. Holly began playing the video. "To Captain Frank Hollister of the JMC vessel Red Dwarf- My name is Jack Arden. One of your crew members requested files on the history of Maximum Carnage. While some files are still classified, I am sending visual records of what I can. Have Holly put these in the data banks for anyone who wants to read them. I am also including an electronic copy of Cletus Kasady's book, which details many aspects of what we did. Jack Arden, out-" The video changed back into the male face. Lister smiled. "Interestin'. Jack figured it out after all!" Rimmer ignored his bunk mate. "Holly, about the immortality Cletus mentioned... any truth?" "Yes, actually. Notice that throughout the years, neither has aged a day. Granted, my records on them extend to when the accident occurred, so it is possible they are no longer out there. But I wouldn't write it off" Lister's excitement grew. "All right! We may have someone out there who knows where we are!" "Listy, Listy.....even if they are out there, there is no guarantee they will remember us now. It has been three million years, after all. No one has a memory that good...." "Come on, you two! No way will Jack forget me! I taught him so much. he wouldn't turn his back on me after I showed him how to dance......would he?" "I don't know Cat. Rimmer could be right.....but we can always hope..." "It's cold outside, there's no kind of atmosphere, I'm all alone, more or less, Let me fly, far away from here, Fun, fun, fun, in the sun, sun, sun... I want to lie shipwrecked and comatose, Drinking fresh mango juice, Goldfish shoals, nibbling at my toes, Fun, fun, fun, in the sun, sun, sun... Fun, fun, fun, in the sun, sun, sun... I'll pack my bags and head into hyperspace Velocity at time-warp speed Spend my days in ultraviolet rays Fun, fun, fun in the sun, sun, sun... We're locked on course straight through the universe You and me, and the galaxy Reached this stage, this hyperpathic age Fun, fun, fun in the sun, sun, sun... Fun, fun, fun in the sun, sun, sun..." Author's Notes: I know I didn't give much at the end, but I want you to have to wait to find out what happens to the team. And if enough people liked this crossover, I may be tempted to do more RD/MC crossovers in the future(especially for those who missed Kryten). RD song lyrics were found at- http://www.geocities.com/TelevisionCity/8889/reddwarf.htm Notes: Basically set in the Marvel Universe, I will be using a lot of my own continuity for this series, and generally focus on the main characters. Appearances by Marvel's universe will be special occurences. Crossovers with characters/titles from other companies will be treated as "single universe", not as "2 universes crossing temporarily". I will also try to ignore major Marvel comic story arcs. Cletus Kasady, Carnage, and other Marvel characters are copyright Marvel Entertainment Group, Inc. Other characters are either my creation(copyright myself), or copyright their specific owners if non- Marvel licensed characters. Characters used without permission/not for profit. These are strictly fan stories. Permission to reprint extends to placing this text, unaltered, elsewhere online. It may not be altered, and especially NOT TO BE SOLD, unless Marvel wishes to license this series from me.